Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Houston, we have a blender
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
