I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
