So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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