I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
