Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Randomize
