the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
