Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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