Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize