I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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