I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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