It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
