everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
