it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
