so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
