I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
