hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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