Texts From Last Night

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different

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  (937): I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different http://tfl.nu/6y7e
  Replies (2) Good night (1723) Bad night (657)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.

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  (248): Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/k6rq
  Replies (32) Good night (4466) Bad night (925)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Why?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward

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  (480): Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight (1-480): Why? (480): 'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward http://tfl.nu/ohlj
  Replies (8) Good night (1300) Bad night (4855)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (7463) Bad night (1962)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.

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  (239): I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night. http://tfl.nu/hh8b
  Replies (11) Good night (1461) Bad night (3753)
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  (516): View more from New York

  The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

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  (516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih
  Replies (17) Good night (7827) Bad night (1165)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.

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  (319): We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like. http://tfl.nu/8dbs
  Replies (10) Good night (3315) Bad night (1450)
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  (310): View more from California

  I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers

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  (310): I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers http://tfl.nu/hjyr
  Replies (4) Good night (2443) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.

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  (919): He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great. http://tfl.nu/il4g
  Replies (4) Good night (2556) Bad night (1129)
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  (+04): View more from

  I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.

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  (+04): I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs. http://tfl.nu/iwem
  Replies (4) Good night (1369) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.

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  (306): whoa! who said he's my boyfriend? (1-306): Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina. http://tfl.nu/k1yy
  Replies (7) Good night (2991) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.

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  (+44): Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight. http://tfl.nu/uuv5
  Replies (0) Good night (464) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...

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  (508): You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes... http://tfl.nu/do6f
  Replies (1) Good night (903) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats

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  (619): Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats http://tfl.nu/741y
  Replies (3) Good night (585) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.

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  (678): actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting. http://tfl.nu/fq7i
  Replies (0) Good night (576) Bad night (423)

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