So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.