I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
