I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart