My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?