Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
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There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis