its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
