It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles