I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
