We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
