Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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