Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
