What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
