So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
