ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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