There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
