Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
