So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
