The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
