wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
