how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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