I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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