Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
