he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
