my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
