8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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