Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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