At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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