Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
