What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Actions speak louder than pants.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry about my life...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
