Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
pray to the hookup gods
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
