ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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