Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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