Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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