WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
barbara walters just said penis...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
