If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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