i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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