nut hugger
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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