Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
