So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
