So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
