you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
