then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm passing your future prison.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize