theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
