So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
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I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
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I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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