she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
