I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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