Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
