wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
