yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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