After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
