Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
