is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I just sharted jello shots
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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