I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
