why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
