i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
