So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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