My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
