oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
