I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All the doctor said was why
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
