I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
