Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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