1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
