No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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