Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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