Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
