i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
