mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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