OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
