That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
