When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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