1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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