Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
tell me about the fingering
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
