Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
