I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize