she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize